Room # 6

I feel like I should say I've been watching you, but its more like I'm looking out for you. Can't figure out what I'm gonna say if I get the opportunity, just got to hope they are English words and not something ridiculous. I fully expect it to be a massive let down and for some component to be totally wrong, or for some obstacle be barring my way, but who knows, perhaps its my time to be fortunate. Its odd that I'm starting to feel the need to care again, its been a sentiment so lost to me for so long outside of my family circle that I wondered what it felt like or if I ever really felt it at all. Is it the whole 'right person' thing? Or is it just a defect in my personality that I draw people in and then push them out again for reasons unknown? Test to destruction. No more? I feel odd stirrings of compassion and tenderness inside that spring to me at the most odd of times and towards even more odd subjects, situations and people. The thinsg that choose to yank at my heart strings are so obscure sometimes that its no wonder that for a long while I have questioned my own sense of humanity. I've nurtured so much apathy for so long that I thought that was all that was left. Sometimes I often put these little emotional epiphanies that punch a sliver of color into my dark sea of empathy down to my weekend activities, the things I do to my body often making my emotional states unpredictable. But then there is a side of me that wants to believe that anyone in my set of circumstances would be volatile at best.

Is it penitence?

Is it chemical imbalance?

Is it desire?

Or something else?